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December 06, 2009

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kurt

Your story reminds me of a beautiful video of a famous children's book, "Paddle to the Sea", I saw when I was in grade school.

I found it here (it has 3 parts):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfQuTBmW4RU

Mark

This makes me sad and happy at the same time.

gonzalo

Dear Jodi

My mother published a poetry book back in 1964. She died in 1985. Just in 2008 I was able to read the book. It was a re-encounter with her concrete humanity. I felt it as a gift I was receiving. I did not like my mothe being a poet. I assumed that in those pages was the love she did not give me. But I was wrong. Since I read her poems I feel closer to her. So, the bottle did arrive to its destination, in my case at least. I do not think that my brothers have read the book. We wanted to have a normal mom, but ours was intelectual and self concerned. Fate was unfair because she passed away when I had already started to forgive her. And now I have the ashes of my father in my deskroom. And I think a lot about him. Recently I have understood what he wanted to tell me but I was nor able to understand. He used to ask me about what I wanted of life. And I was furious because for me it was evident. I was fully dedicated to read and write. Trying to reach the stars. And now I see my children trying always to go for more. I expect to be a better comunicator than my father was. Thanks for your post.

Jodi

It's reassuring that you understand now what you didn't in the past. I wonder if I will forever be in some kind of discussion with my parents. I also wonder about the ashes on your desk and what it might mean if they belong their or if that is a place where they are resting for now. I wonder what my kids will think about their mom in the future--normal? not normal but in a good way (intellectual and self concerned may not be a bad description). That you read the poems is making me consider reading the notes. I ask myself, would it be wrong to blog them? That the words sound so crude might be the answer to the question.

Rick

I really like this. I have found myself with similar documents, and I see them as an important verification of feelings that once existed. By reading them, those feelings come back to life in the same sort of way that happens when you read your old journals. Although I do not know what your relationship with your parents is like, I don't think that it would be an invasion on their relationship to check them out. That relationship lives on with you. Reading these will bring part of her feelings back to life in you. Also, you could always stop if they were making you uncomfortable.

Regardless of whether you read it or not though, I think that it is very important for them to reach your father. The sort of involuntary memory that they will elicit is one of the best things about being alive.

gonzalo

Jodi

It´s Gonzalo again. Consider the possibility of reading, someday, your mother´s notes. It will mean a confrontation with her, a renewal of her image that is inside you. I guess you would love her even more.
I don´t know why I have my father ashes in my deskroom. A kind of punishment perhaps. Or a way of feeling his presence so as to talk with him, asking questions he never cared to answer to me.
Finally regarding my children, they are not mine any more. I have to fight against my tendency to judge them too harshly. In any case they are having better lives than mine at their age. And in practical terms I am unconditional.

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