Over the past decade, I've read a lot of job applications, inteviewed a lot of candidates, and seen a lot of job talks. It's hard to know who to blame--graduate programs for not training their people, the school currently exploiting the ABD by having them teach 6-8 courses before they've finished their dissertation, or arrogant candidates convinced that they are geniuses. I've learned, though, exactly what candidates who don't want a job at the school where they are being interviewed should do. So, if you don't want the job, pick any one or two of the following suggestions--you'll blow the campus interview for sure.
1. Make sure you job talk has no argument--just ramble on. Be sure to extend at least 15 minutes past the time you were given. It helps to ask in the middle of the talk how much time you have left.
2. During the question and answer time, don't answer the question. Just babble. Say anything that comes to mind. Repeat catch phrases such as "as I just argued" and "for example" but be sure they don't connect to anything you actually said.
3. Lie. This can take a lot of forms. You can claim fluency in a language, say, Arabic. How many people--particularly in a liberal arts college--really know Arabic? (I've seen this happen; two people actually knew Arabic; the candidate was dead in the water). Other good lies--that you have job offers at other schools. Academic worlds are small--people will call and check with their friends. Since your lies will be discovered, you will not have to be burdened by the unwanted job. Oh yes, and, you can lie about forthcoming journal articles. It's really cool if you have the guts to lie to people on a journal's editorial board. (I've encountered this twice--once a candidate said an article was forthcoming when it had not been submitted for review; another time, a candidate listed it as forthcoming when she had received a revise and resubmit and not yet done either.)
4. Don't learn about the school or department in advance. Know absolutely nothing--it will make the interview process much more exciting. And, then you can be sure that you are not tailoring your job talk to the interests of your audience--but precisely the opposite! This, of course, is where lots and lots of details are really important.
5. Wear sweatpants. Give you talk while sitting on a table swinging your legs.
6. Be rude to any and all students involved in the search. Be rude to the secretary as well if you have a chance.
7. Answer questions during the office interviews with one word. This makes you seem mysterious. When asked about your research agenda, stare blankly at your interlocutor. If pressed, talk only about your disseration until your interlocutor falls asleep.
8. Express no interest in the department, school, or community. Find things to complain about. Make it clear that you will not teach any courses before 10:00 am or after 3:00 am and that you will only teach 2 days a week. Explain your demands by saying how much you truly hate teaching and how you will be busy commuting to more interesting places.
9. When talking about your dissertation, adopt the attitude that it is a masterwork of world significance. Who cares that everyone interviewing you has published books and articles? Your dissertation is the one and only single most important thing ever written and will change the world. Shoot, just by existing, it has already changed the world.